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There’s
a part of me that’s
dying,
yet dying to be alive.
And there’s a part
of me that needs to die,
yet always fighting for
control.
The inner me and the outer
me.
The inner me is seldom
seen,
it hides behind the outer.
It peaks out occasionally
just to test the water.
If it’s safe it
will come out and play
until the water gets too
rough.
Then it runs back to it’s
secret place
when it’s had enough.
The inner me longs for
companionship
yet it is paralyzed by
fear.
Unable to open up,
to risk letting others
get near.
Fear’s powerful
grip on my heart
is like a heavy chain,
wrapped around so tightly,
keeping me in my pain.
I tell myself I’m
strong
even though I know it’s
a lie.
I’m afraid to accept
my weakness,
afraid to let the outer
me die.
If someone really knew
me, everything about me,
They wouldn’t, they
couldn’t love me.
So I hide a part of myself,
my past
only showing the acceptable
parts of me.
And even what, in my mind,
seems acceptable
cannot be loved so easily.
So what am I really gaining
or losing?
My mind tells me my fear
is irrational.
It tries to unleash the
chains.
But my heart digs in heels
and fights every inch
of the way.
This stubborn resistance
makes me feel I am strong,
yet this false sense of
strength,
again, won’t last
long.
True strength is not afraid
to be weak.
So weak and afraid,
I pretend to be strong.
dmh |
